WHY marriage today? Is marriage different these days? Is the basis of Christian marriage different from marriage in Old Testament times? God made man and woman and their creation took place in two steps, first man and then woman. Man came from the dust, but woman came from the living Adam. Eve never experienced the loneliness which was Adam’s lot before she was made.
It must have been a moment of pure joy when, arising out of his deep sleep, Adam first saw Eve. Unlike all of the animals, who had been brought individually to him and he had named them, Eve was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. She was created specifically for him, and deliberately after him:
“For Adam was first formed, then Eve.”
“For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”
The world today does not accept this truth, but that does not destroy it. We deny it at our peril, both for our present and our eternal happiness.
But Why?
God tells us why:
“I will make an help meet for him”
“Help meet” means “a helper fit for him” (RSV), or “a helper suitable for him” (NIV). ‘Helper’ means exactly what it says and occurs throughout the Old Testament, for example, in Ebenezer’s name, which means ‘stone of help’. But what does ‘meet’ or ‘fit’ or ‘suitable’ mean? The underlying meaning is of ‘answering or corresponding to’. Physically and mentally man and woman are parts of a whole, even though they can live separately.
The colours of the rainbow are distinct and individual in their own qualities, but it takes all of them to produce the perfect whiteness from which they come. So it is in marriage, each partner finds aspects of being in the other one which are a source of wonder and delight. God made them so. These are basic ingredients for the companionship of marriage.
It was God (see Genesis 3:24 and Matthew 19:5) who said:
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Unholy Alliances
But man’s way is not God’s. A very large proportion of those who get married have already had sexual relationships with one or more persons. This is the freedom men and women have chosen to enjoy. It should not be so among us. We have no choice in the matter, God has told us the right way:
“But fornication and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not once be named among you, as becometh saints … For this know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of God and of Christ.” (Ephesians 5:3-7)
Pills and other means may render ‘safe’ our wrong actions, but this is false security. Our deeds may take place in secret, but there is nothing secret from God. There is no safety outside Christ, and there is no uncleanness in him.
But is it more acceptable to have a steady sexual partner? Someone with whom one lives on a regular basis but without the ties of marriage, for example? After all, all of us know some very ‘nice’ people who simply cohabit; they might even go to church or chapel. Is this a permissible half-way house between promiscuity and actual marriage? Let us consider this situation by posing a question:
What happens when we marry?
“To the contract of marriage, besides the man and the wife, there is a third party—SOCIETY; and if it be considered as a vow—GOD”.
So said Samuel Johnson more than two hundred years ago. His words have a Scriptural ring about them. In true marriage there are three areas of involvement:
- The man and the woman. They consent, each and together, to what is taking place. Their mutual consent affects other people.
- Society. This includes our parents, relations and friends, as well as society at large. A declaration of intent to marry raises all the sensible questions—for example, is either of them already married? It is for this reason in Britain that each party has to declare that “I know not of any lawful impediment why I John Smith may not be joined in matrimony to thee Mary Brown”.
Notice of marriage has to be given to the Register Office so that due search can be made as to the past of the persons concerned, and a record of what is now being done is kept for posterity.
Open declaration in this way makes plain to everyone that two people now belong uniquely to each other. It is a signal that no one else has any part or lot in either of them so far as physical intimacy and unique companionship are concerned.
The families of both parties are now unavoidably caught up in what is taking place, and they will enjoy certain privileges and carry certain responsibilities as a consequence of the marriage.
Lastly, under this head, marriage protects the children who are thereby provided with two legal parents responsible for their care and upbringing. The children will bear the family name and enjoy the legal rights that fall to them, and find security and love in a way that only marriage can afford.
- God. Of course, He is the first priority. He established marriage, and He alone has the right to determine its conditions. God who made us surely knows what is best for our individual and family happiness.
Whilst we do not believe that marriage is a sacrament, that is, an outward and visible sign of special grace which the church is said to bestow through its priests, we do believe that it is good to make our marriage declaration in God’s sight, to give Him thanks and seek His blessing.
Answers to Basic Questions
It is clear from what is set out above that sexual promiscuity and co-habitation throw everything into disarray. Despite the seeming satisfactoriness of cohabitation, it rides roughshod over all of the basic principles. God is ignored, society and friends and family do not know where they stand, and any resulting children are adrift on the seas of the personal indulgence of the parents and are not anchored securely to home-base.
How right God was and is in everything!