YOU can buy a clock that is accurate to millionths of a second, but it cannot give you more time. Everyone has 24 hours each day, neither more nor less. But there are some days when we seem to cram a week into a day, and others when we say, ‘I have nothing to show for it’.
Marriage’s portmanteau
When we commence our marriage journey, our portmanteau of time usually seems able to contain all our activities quite comfortably, and there is often room to spare. It is almost like when we have our first diary and find it difficult to find enough to say each day. Sooner or later something uncomfortable happens. The days are just as long—or short—but there seems to be too much to fit in. We try to get rid of this feeling by working harder or longer or more efficiently. But something is always snapping at our heels. What’s the problem?
Before marriage, life’s inescapable responsibilities are, for most of us, few in number and most of them are centred around self—my education, first job, hobbies and holidays. Of course, there is discipleship and there are my family and friends. These things do not press too hard, except at certain times which in any case come and go. When we marry we have to blend ‘my’ with ‘our’. This is not too difficult and, in any case, love has a way of making the adjustments pleasurable. Time’s highway seems reasonably smooth and the traffic is not too heavy. It is not long, however, before we discover that the things that ‘have to be done’ become more numerous, and we sometimes find this irksome. We feel we are losing our freedom. We are being dictated to by life’s demands and our room for manoeuvre seems to shrink—but we are young and can take it. Yet there is more!
Just when we think we have everything under control, another of the unavoidable ‘must do’s’ arrives—a baby, car repair, change of job, bad health. It looks as though something else must go but, maybe, we can manage if the daily readings, ecclesial commitments, visits to the in-laws and the like are pushed aside. Though we never put it in those terms, it simply happens.
The pace of life has moved up a couple of notches and we breathe once again. But we are moving towards the danger zone. Unpleasant stress becomes a part of life and tell-tale signs appear in the family— shortness of temper, neglect of each other in various ways, the children are shortchanged and they begin to show it.
Get off my back!
Unless we are very skilful or fortunate, the marriage itself is bruised. It is not that we love each other any the less, but there is little time, such as we used to enjoy, to sit down close to each other and simply talk. Even the most intimate side of marriage suffers because one of us is too tired— something undreamt of a little while ago. Prayer may have become perfunctory or seemingly irrelevant.
Christ is not truly real to us, though we would deny that, if confronted. Instead of finding strength and joy in the breaking of bread, we may arrive at the last minute, lose our concentration or feel that either it or we are useless. We may even stay at home ‘because we have so much to do’.
What to do?
It is time to take stock. We must make time for this or real disaster may strike us.
A doctor dealing with casualties in the accident and emergency unit may well have to act quickly, but when he does he depends on his training, experience and diagnostic skill. Immediate priorities must come first: other things come later. Imagine you are the doctor and ask the following questions:
- Were we right to put prayer and the Bible on the back burner just when we needed them most?
- Are we trying to solve our problems without Christ?
- Are we, as someone has said, ‘very busy about unimportant things’?
- Is not the most important thing to seek God and His righteousness? Are we trying to fool ourselves by denying this?
- Are we pursuing career(s) as our first option?
- Have we friends, social engagements, leisure pursuits and hobbies which are eating up our time—and that wrongly?
- Have we made ecclesial commitments beyond what is right for family life?
- Are we afraid to take stock? If so, ask your dearest friends to do it for you and listen carefully to what they say.
- Are we eating out, taking holidays abroad and otherwise ‘enjoying ourselves’ out of proportion to the time we have available and do we in these things take spiritual things into consideration?
- Are we constantly ‘improving’ our home but not ourselves?
- Are we caring more about our children’s education and health than about their eternal welfare? 12. Are the family burdens properly shared out amongst all of the family?
- Despite all we say, is television time pushing Christ out of the room and tainting us with its accepted evils? Are we destroying true family conversation and proper family activities? Do we read the Bible as a family?
So?
When Paul and his friends were in the thralls of the great storm, the scripture says that the ship’s crew threw the cargo and, then, the ship’s tackle overboard. They were desperate measures for a desperate time. But Paul said: “Wherefore, sirs, be of good cheer: for I believe God, that it shall be even as it was told me.”
He was at peace in a world of nature’s fury. We need to adopt similar measures when our ship is overwhelmed by the storms of life. There are things to be thrown overboard, things that are imperilling our salvation. And, we must remember that our ship is Christ and we can reach the shore intact if we trust him implicitly and him alone. Don’t despair; pray, read, keep with Christ’s crew, and jettison dangerous cargo.