Our Chinese Sister Li of Brisbane, who was baptised a year ago, tells the personal struggles she encountered on her way to finding the Truth.
I studied law for seven years in China and I used to work as an in-house attorney for a big company. There was a big shopping centre near the company where I worked and I spent lots of time and money there—I used to buy 200 DVDs in one year. I had a little book that would tell me how to enjoy eating out in different restaurants in Beijing, and I always knew which movie star was going to be divorced, which one had plastic surgery, and things like that. Obviously, these were the main things of my life—working, shopping, eating out and entertainment. It looked as though I lived an easy life, but on looking back I cannot remember any time when I really felt happy. There was always a big vacuum in my heart, and the feeling of emptiness made me scared.
I still remember one night when I just could not help talking in tears to my husband: “I do not know why I still live in this world and what will happen in the future. I am so scared. I think I am disabled now in my heart.” All my husband could do was give me a hug and a long sigh, because this was also his question.
Hearing the Truth in China
I thought I needed a change in my life, so I quit my job, travelled to another city, and worked there for a law firm. One of my friends there introduced me to an Australian couple, Brother Peter and Sister Kylie Jamieson, who were in China on mission work. We did some readings together at their little unit in China which made me feel peaceful. Auntie Elizabeth, Kylie’s mother, came back from shopping while we were reading. She immediately put down everything in her hands and sat with us reading, which really impressed me. It was summer and I thought I would like to have a little rest or a cold shower if I was her. But after I came out of their home and walked on the busy street, I had to face the real life again and thought about how to prepare the next claim form for my work, which made me feel that what the Bible said was so far from reality.
I thought I would not go to their place anymore, but one day Peter rang me and invited me to see them again. I thought maybe it was not a bad idea to see them because they were really nice people. When they knew I was going to Australia for studying, they said they would help me to find accommodation. At that time I thought this couple was really incredible because they did all this for me for nothing, just because I was a little bit interested in the Bible.
A Move to Australia
I met Peter and Kylie on three occasions in China. Then I came to Brisbane in Australia for university and stayed with Brother Warren and Sister Stephanie Lewis. Initially I was really surprised by the way they treated me. I thought our relationship was landlord and tenant, but they treated me like their child. I began to go to the meeting (Wilston Ecclesia) with them. I enjoyed the company of Warren and Stephanie and their family, but I also wanted to live in my own way too. I needed lots of time to deal with my lectures and exams; I wanted to know about the Western culture, but I couldn’t even find a TV in this house! When I watched my DVDs I had to hide in my bedroom and turn the volume really low. And I just could not imagine that man was formed from the dust, that Moses could separate the sea and stories like that. I thought we should rely upon ourselves instead of a God in a fable story. So I decided to move out.
Time Needed to Reflect
I shared accommodation with an Australian for three months after I moved out. Finally, I got a TV in my own bedroom and I could spend more time with my other friends and see more of Australia! But you will not feel surprised if I tell you that what I really saw in these three months was that lots of people here lived just by instinct—high divorce rates, taking drugs, piercing their lips, single mums everywhere, young people idling around during the day. I felt so sad to see things like this happening in such a beautiful country. But the most scary part was that I found my life went back to the life I used to live in China again. Today just repeated yesterday—no hope, nothing really made me feel interested. Everyone around me was just working, eating, sleeping and waiting to die and be buried in a small grave, no matter whether they were rich or poor, pretty or ugly, lovely or disgusting—there was no real difference. If this was the case, why should I be a nice person? I had to ask myself again, what is the real meaning of my life?
One night I lay on my bed and could not go to sleep. I told myself I had to find why I lived in this world as I felt very desperate. At that moment Warren and Stephanie Lewis were the only people I wanted to go to, the only light I could find in the darkness, because they were always happy, kind and they seemed to know why they were living.
A Positive Move Back
Brother Warren and Sister Stephanie accepted me back without any hesitation. I still had lots of doubts about the Bible. I used to ask many questions about dinosaurs and apes, about where God dwelt before He created heaven, and so on, but I told myself I must be patient this time. I could not deny the whole Bible just because I could not find a good answer for a few questions.
I tried to go to the Bible class as often as possible, but if something happened, like exams, Bible study still gave way.
It was really a slow process and I did not even notice my love to God was building up gradually. I began to like going to the meetings instead of feeling I had to. If we could put happiness in a bottle, I would say on my way back home from the class that my happiness always overflowed from the bottle. I really appreciated what several sisters and lots of friends in the Wilston Ecclesia did for me. They always came to me and talked to me when I was sitting by myself, which was really lovely and sweet for me, a girl with black eyes and black hair and a strong Chinese accent. I should also mention a Chinese brother in New Zealand, Jason, whom I rang and talked to for a long time. His faith in the Truth really encouraged me during that period, because we both came from the same cultural background.
I was really amazed by the prophecies in the Bible which helped me to build up my faith. But when I went to Coolum Camp and sat there listening to the exhortation, I suddenly realized that what I really loved was the Word of God, not just the prophecies.
My Baptism
I was baptised on 27th November 2005 in the Wilston Ecclesia. I was like a little kid, lost in the world, wandering and crying, but that day I found my family!! You know how happy it could be!
My mother is reading the Bible now. She said that Warren and Stephanie are not related to me at all but they really looked after me, so there must be a reason. She is a typical mother and she loves me so much, but I am sure she will know there is another kind of love that is even much deeper than a mother’s love for her children. My husband and my father still think it is like a joke that man came from dust and they question everything in the first chapter of Genesis, but I will wait patiently to see what will happen in the future. What I can do is to put everything in God’s hands, pray to Him and ensure that I perform my own work in the Truth well.
God never gave up on me and He kept working on me. He tells me where I come from and where I am going to; He gives me a fixed moral value and asks me to be a person I really want to be. I have never been as happy as this year in my whole life! In a word, “He restores my soul”. He is so real there.
